The Signs You Keep Ignoring

The Signs You Keep Ignoring

Scripture References

Primary text

• 1 Kings 16
• 1 Kings 21

Other references

• Genesis 3:6
• 1 Kings 2:18

Overview

Craig Groeschel contrasted two destructive dynamics that quietly choke relationships: a controlling spirit that dominates and a passive spirit that withdraws. Ahab and Jezebel embody both, showing how unchecked control and passivity can wreck not only a marriage but an entire community. Yet the deeper issue is never just behavior; it is the absence of wholehearted devotion to God. When hearts turn back to Him, even broken stories can be redeemed.

Context

The message opens with playful polling (“Who knows a controlling woman? A passive man?”) and then introduces Ahab—Israel’s seventh northern-kingdom king—and his Phoenician wife Jezebel. Their union, marked by his weakness and her manipulation, becomes a sober warning for dating, marriage, and all relationships today.

Main Points

When Passivity Suffocates a Relationship

• Before Jezebel even acted, Ahab avoided responsibility; Scripture brands him the king who provoked God’s anger more than all before him (1 Kings 16).
• Story: Ahab wants neighbor Naboth’s vineyard. Naboth refuses (inheritance laws), so “the king went to bed with his face to the wall and refused to eat.” Craig labels it “royal temper tantrum—give the man a juice box and a nap.”
• Passivity doesn’t explode; it quietly erodes trust, initiative, and spiritual leadership.

Three Red Flags of a Passive Spirit

1. Lack of direction and rarely taking initiative—no goals, no planning, no dates, no movement.
2. Avoidance of hard conversations—disappears or shuts down when things get tense.
3. Defers responsibility and makes excuses—life “isn’t fair,” nothing is ever their fault.

Illustration: “Imagine Jezebel is a committed Christian dating basement-dwelling Ahab: expert at video games, no job, no plan. Is she picky or seeing a problem?”

“If it’s a pattern, it’s a problem.”

When Control and Manipulation Take Over

• Jezebel belittles Ahab: “Is this how you act as king over Israel?”—communicating, “You’re weak and pathetic.”
• She forges letters in Ahab’s name (1 Kings 2:18), orchestrates false charges, and has Naboth murdered so Ahab can seize the vineyard—“straight-up mafia.”
• Controlling behavior often fills the vacuum created by passivity.

Three Red Flags of a Controlling Spirit

1. Uses guilt or pressure: “If you really loved me…,” “A real man would….”
2. Makes all the decisions—your voice doesn’t matter.
3. Doesn’t trust, constantly checks your phone, whereabouts, motives.

The Power of Words to Build or Break

• “The tongue has the power of life and death.”
• Men often carry hidden insecurity; the words closest to them shape who they become.
• Story: In 2019 Craig considered quitting ministry. Amy’s calm but firm words rescued him:

  “Craig, God created you for this. I believe in you, and you can do what God calls you to.”

• The faith of one spouse can fill the gap when the other’s faith falters.

The Core Problem: Absence of God, Not Just Behavior

• Ahab’s and Jezebel’s greatest sin was abandoning Yahweh for Baal; our modern idols may be money, success, pleasure, or self-will.
• Behavior change without heart change never lasts.

Repentance Opens the Door to Mercy

• When the prophet declared judgment, Ahab tore his clothes and wore sackcloth—a public act of repentance (1 Kings 21).
• His repentance couldn’t change the past, but it changed his future; God extended mercy.
• In every relationship there is a way back: “With God all things are possible.”

Key Truths

• Relationships usually fail slowly—suffocated by unnoticed patterns of control or neglect.
• The opposite of love is not hate but apathy; passivity signals a heart that has checked out.
• Control often speaks the language of guilt, comparison, and mistrust.
• Your closest words carry creative power; they either call out destiny or deepen defeat.
• The surest first step toward relational health is turning your heart fully toward God.

Response

• Examine your own tendencies toward passivity or control and name them before God.
• Speak life-giving words that affirm identity and potential in those you love.
• Seek first God’s kingdom—place worship, prayer, and obedience at the center of your relationship.
• Repent quickly when conviction comes; let godly sorrow lead to real change.
• Pursue counseling, accountability, and community where patterns need deeper work.

Closing

Craig urged listeners not to blame a partner but to point their own hearts back to God. Hands were raised across campuses and online: “I need more of Him.” He reminded everyone that repentance always opens a way home and that, through Christ, even the most dysfunctional story can be rewritten.

“There is always a way back to God, and with God all things are possible.”

Prayer

Craig led the congregation in two moments of prayer: first, repentance for passivity, control, and any sin hindering love; second, a salvation prayer for those surrendering to Christ—thanking God for forgiveness, asking Jesus to be Lord, and inviting the Spirit’s power to love like Him.