Relationships Matter to God | Bianca Juarez Olthoff

Redeeming Attraction

Scripture References

Primary text

• Song of Songs 1:2

Other references

• Genesis 2
• Ephesians 5
• Proverbs 18:21

Overview

Attraction, desire, and sexuality were God’s ideas long before modern culture tried to redefine them. In the first message of the “Modern Romance” series, Bianca Olthoff shows from Song of Songs 1:2 that believers can be both sexual and sanctified, reclaiming conversations the Church has often avoided. Whether single, married, divorced, or widowed, we are invited to view attraction as a holy gift, distinguish it from lust, and cultivate relationships marked by respect, confidence, and Christ-honoring boundaries.

Context

Bianca contrasts her strict “Baptist-costal” upbringing—where words like “sexy” were taboo—with God’s open celebration of desire in Scripture. She jokes that the Church has surrendered the narrative to “marketing, movies, and mass media,” and playfully vows to “bring sexy back” under God’s design.

Main Points

God celebrates attraction

• Song of Songs opens with a woman initiating affection—“Let him kiss me…”—showing that desire is not sinful but God-given.
• “If relationships matter to God, they should matter to us”; Scripture speaks to modern dating, marriage, and singleness.

• “You can be both sexual and sanctified.”

Attraction vs. lust

• Attraction: noting beauty—“tall, broad-shouldered, light eyes—hello, Matt Olthoff.”
• Lust: reducing someone to a consumable object—“bring me off a piece of that.”
• Genesis 2: Adam praises Eve’s whole person—“bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh”—affirming holistic attraction.

Respect: the first hallmark of godly attraction

• Song of Songs 1:3—her beloved’s “name” (character) is like costly perfume; others affirm his reputation.
  • Illustration: friends say, “No wonder the young women love you,” proving character is publicly evident.
• Counsel to singles: if only you admire a person, ask why; community affirmation matters.
• Minimum dating standard for Christian women: “Does he love Jesus and have a job?”

Confidence: beauty that lasts

• The bride owns her dark skin from outdoor labor (vv. 5-6) yet declares, “dark am I, yet lovely.”
  • Story: Bianca’s grandmother’s telenovelas help her read Scripture like a passionate novella, not a dry text.
• True confidence—“God-confidence”—outshines money, looks, or status and often determines who gets the date or the job.
• Men are urged to speak life (Ephesians 5; Proverbs 18:21); words can nurture or crush a woman’s confidence.

Boundaries and purity

• The bride refuses to act like the “veiled women” (prostitutes), modeling sexual boundaries even while expressing desire.
• Bianca’s one-sentence purity talk: “No ringy, no dinghy.”
• Purity is not a curse for singles; Jesus lived fully without a spouse, proving singleness is not second-class.

Implications for marriage

• Attraction can be rekindled—sometimes romance looks like a husband paying bills or fanning his sweaty wife after she preaches.
• Spouses should rediscover each other’s “name” in every season rather than grieving faded abs or unmet movie expectations.

Key Truths

• God designed attraction; honoring Him means stewarding it, not suppressing it.
• Character outlasts chemistry; a respected name is better than impressive abs.
• Confidence rooted in Christ makes a person genuinely attractive.
• Community affirmation helps guard against unhealthy romantic choices.
• Singleness is a valuable, significant season—not a waiting room for real life.

Response

• Celebrate healthy attraction without shame.
• Examine potential partners through the lens of character and community approval.
• Speak life-giving words over your spouse, friends, and yourself.
• Set and honor clear sexual boundaries that reflect your worth in Christ.
• Cultivate God-confidence by remembering whose you are.

Closing

Bianca prays that God would give us “eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that knows what season we are in,” launching a journey toward Christ-honoring romance. Pastor Craig follows by challenging listeners to build relationships on righteousness and invites anyone far from God to begin a life-changing relationship with Jesus. > “We wouldn’t just be people that call ourselves Christians, but in all of our relationships we would be Christ-centered.”

Prayer

Bianca thanks the Spirit for guiding every relational season and asks for wisdom, empowerment, and wholeness for singles and marrieds alike. Pastor Craig leads the church to seek forgiveness, purity, healing in marriages, and ultimately surrender to Christ for new life.