This Is Killing Your Marriage

Nothing You Neglect Gets Better

Scripture References

• Proverbs 24:30
• Song of Solomon 2:5

Overview

Neglect—not conflict—ultimately destroys relationships. Pastor Craig showed how small, almost invisible lapses in pursuit and priority erode love until a marriage, friendship, or walk with God feels suddenly barren. Using Solomon’s vineyard picture, real-life stories, and pointed modern parallels, he urged us to spot our “little foxes,” rebuild protective walls, and keep tending what matters. The good news: with Jesus—the One who never stops tending us—even long-neglected vineyards can bloom again.

Main Points

The progression: selfishness ➜ neglect ➜ death

• Selfishness is the root under every relationship problem; neglect is what finishes the job.
• Principle repeated: > “Nothing you neglect gets better.”
• Whatever you stop feeding starts dying—body, faith, friendships, marriage.

Solomon’s warning from the vineyard (Proverbs 24:30-34)

• Three signs of neglect: thorns everywhere, ground covered with weeds, stone wall in ruins.
• Field = today’s needs; vineyard = tomorrow’s fruit; wall = protection from outside attack.
• The sluggard didn’t destroy the field; he simply stopped tending it—“a little sleep, a little slumber.”

The danger of “little foxes” (Song of Solomon 2:5)

• It’s rarely lions, tigers, or huge betrayals; it’s tiny foxes nibbling buds before fruit forms.
• Illustration: Craig’s neighbor’s perfect yard vs. his own weed-filled lawn—neglect naturally invites decay.
• Story: After Katie’s birth, Craig left Amy alone for three days (seminary, preaching, class). He thought he was being responsible, but his absence screamed neglect.

Modern little foxes

• Screens & phones: possibly “the most effective marriage-neglect device ever invented.” Two hours to the phone, two minutes to your spouse produces distance.
• Child-centered parenting: sacrificing marriage “for the kids” feels right but weakens the very foundation children need.
  • Best gift to children is a strong, enduring marriage.
• General distraction: drifting into parallel lives, separate screens, shallow “how was your day?” chatter.

Rebuild the wall & tend the vineyard

• Identify what used to keep you close (date night, walks, prayer, honest conversation) and resume it.
  • Story: Craig & Amy dropped their weekly date night; weeks later they were sharing deeper with their life-group than with each other.
• Neglect isn’t just doing nothing; it can be “doing the wrong thing really well.”
• Re-engage through serving, honoring, forgiving, listening, and setting intentional rhythms.

Hope in the Master Gardener

• Jesus pursued us when we drifted, tended us when we were barren—He empowers us to pursue each other.
• Galatians encouragement paraphrased: don’t grow weary; keep doing good and the harvest will come.
• Vineyards can grow again because Christ never stops tending.

Key Truths

• Small, unseen acts of neglect accumulate into visible devastation.
• Protective “walls” (boundaries, rhythms, intentional time) must be built and maintained.
• Technology, busyness, and even good gifts like children become love killers when they displace marital priority.
• Reengaging requires repentance, intentional pursuit, and consistent tending, not a quick fix.
• Jesus models relentless pursuit and provides power for restoration.

Response

• Examine your life for thorns, weeds, and broken walls; admit where you’ve drifted.
• Identify and remove at least one “little fox” this week (screen time, endless work, misplaced priorities).
• Schedule and protect a recurring practice that fosters connection with your spouse or closest relationships.
• Place your phone down and give undivided attention during key daily windows.
• Pray together, serve together, and invite the Holy Spirit to renew neglected areas.

Closing

Neglect feels harmless and slow, but its consequences crash in suddenly. Pastor Craig challenged us to refuse passivity, rebuild the walls, and faithfully tend the vineyard God has entrusted. Even if weeds cover the ground and stones lie scattered, Jesus—who never stopped pursuing us—can bring life again.

“Nothing you neglect gets better.”

Don’t give up; keep tending and watch the harvest return.

Prayer

Pastor Craig led the church in asking God to realign neglected areas, empower renewed pursuit, heal marriages and families, and draw every heart back to first-love devotion to Christ.