Why Most Marriages Don’t Work

Marriage Is a Holy Covenant, Not a Contract

Scripture References

Primary text

• Genesis 1
• Hebrews 13:4
• Ephesians 5:3

Other references

• Proverbs 18:22
• Proverbs 27:15
• Proverbs 5:19
• Song of Solomon 7:8

Overview

Marriage can be “a blessing when it’s a blessing” and deeply painful when it is not. How we view it determines how we live, date, and handle sexuality. Scripture shows that marriage is far more than a legal contract; it is a God-ordained covenant that unites two lives into one flesh and calls for purity, commitment, and mutual sacrifice. Understanding that difference reshapes singleness, dating, marriage, and sexual choices.

Context

This message opens the “Save the Date” series. Pastor Craig sets three aims:

1. help singles see singleness as a gift that can honor God,
2. coach dating couples to date in a God-honoring way,
3. strengthen marriages so they reflect God’s design.

Main Points

1. Marriage can bless or bruise

• Proverbs 18:22 calls a wife “a treasure” and “favor from the Lord”; Proverbs 27:15 compares a quarrelsome spouse to “constant dripping.”
• Humorous “1 Craig 4:9” parody verse (“better to step in warm dog poop…”) levels the field: selfish husbands wound too.
• Series goal: move every relational status toward honoring God.

“Marriage is a blessing when it’s a blessing.”

2. Contract thinking versus covenant thinking

• A contract is based on mutual distrust: protect your rights, limit your responsibilities, exit if the other party fails.
• Treating marriage as a contract fuels cohabitation.
  • Data: Since 1990 marriage rates dropped while cohabitation more than doubled; 80 % of teens expect to live together.
  • Cohabitation inertia effect: couples “slide” into leases, phone plans, pets, even children—fully entangled yet not fully committed, raising relational pressure and lowering success rates.
• If marriage is “just a piece of paper,” skipping it seems logical—but it forfeits covenant blessing.

3. Scripture defines marriage as a covenant

• Jesus quotes Genesis 1: a man leaves parents, unites with his wife, and the two become one flesh.
• “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”
• Hebrew word berith means “cutting”; covenants involved blood.
  • Illustration: In ancient Hebrew weddings the virgin couple consummated in a ḥuppah; the shed blood on a cloth symbolized the new covenant, and families celebrated the union.
  • Business covenants: partners walked between halves of a sacrificed bull, vowing, “May this happen to us if we break our word.”
• Covenant is mutual commitment before God, not mutual protection from one another.

4. Sexual integrity belongs inside the covenant

• Hebrews 13:4: marriage bed must be honored and kept pure.
• Only sex within the marriage covenant is God-honoring.
• Ephesians 5:3 sets the bar: “not even a hint” of sexual immorality.
  • Out-of-bounds: adultery, premarital sex, “everything but,” crude jokes, immodest posts, lustful looks.
• God is not anti-sex; He created it for covenant joy.
  • Proverbs 5:19: “May her breasts satisfy you always.”
  • Song of Solomon 7:8: the Shulammite’s vivid desire for Solomon.
• Cultural myth: “men think about sex every seven seconds.” Reality: men ~19 times/day; women ~10, but women think about food 15 times/day—illustrating differing desires, not license for impurity.
• Everyone falls short; the standard drives us to Christ’s grace, not condemnation.

5. Practical next steps for every status

• Dating: Apologize to God together; reset physical boundaries; move out if necessary; end unequal-yoked relationships.
• Single: Treat singleness as a gift; focus on becoming the right person rather than hunting for one.
• Cohabiting/sexually broken: In Christ you can be “a born-again virgin.” Let God renew identity and purity.
• Married: Repent together; pray, study, join a group, even be baptized together; “kiss more.” God offers endless second chances.

6. Personal story: Craig & Amy

• Story: After conversion, Craig stopped dating for two years, spent “date nights with God,” and wrote love notes to his future wife. Three months into dating Amy he handed her the shoebox of letters. They stayed pure until their wedding night (May 25, 1991), prayed together, and consummated the covenant—now 31 years of friendship and blessing.

Key Truths

• How you see marriage shapes how you approach every relationship.
• A contract protects rights; a covenant surrenders rights in mutual, God-centered commitment.
• God-honoring sex is reserved for the covenant of marriage; anything less settles for counterfeit intimacy.
• God’s standards are impossibly high, ensuring that His grace must be amazingly sufficient.
• Whatever your past, in Christ you can start fresh and build relationships that honor Him.

Response

• Reevaluate your view of marriage; adopt a covenant mindset.
• Confess any sexual compromise and accept Christ’s forgiveness.
• Establish or re-establish clear physical boundaries that reflect “not even a hint.”
• If you’re dating or married, pray together regularly and pursue God as a team.
• If single, invest the season in becoming someone worth marrying rather than merely looking for someone.
• Seek community—life group, mentoring, or a Bible reading plan—to help you walk out these commitments.

Closing

True marriage begins with God, is sustained by God, and points back to God. Whether single, dating, or married, we are all invited into His better story: one of purity, commitment, and relentless grace.

“His standards are so high, and His blessings are so worth it.”

Prayer

Father, thank You for loving us in our brokenness. Forgive our sins, heal our wounded sexuality, and empower us by Your Spirit to honor You in singleness, dating, and marriage. Make our relationships shine with Your covenant love so others see Jesus through us.