Winning in Relationships | Michael Todd & Craig Groeschel

Rip Up Your List: Building Relationships on God’s Principles

Scripture References

• John 8:12
• Psalm 37:4
• Proverbs 19:21

Overview

Pastor Mike Todd opened a two-week focus on “winning in relationships” by insisting that Scripture—not social media, TV romance, or personal fantasies—must become the single standard for every relational decision. When we cling to self-made expectations (“the list”), frustration follows; when we tear that list up and embrace God’s principles, His purpose prevails. The message moved from establishing the authority of the written Word, to exposing ignorance as the enemy of healthy relationships, to a vivid call: rip up the list and let God reshape your desires.

Context

• Part of Life.Church’s relationship series, preached on Father’s Day weekend.
• Pastor Mike recounts how his earlier “Relationship Goals” messages and book revealed a widespread void of biblical guidance.
• Speaks to everyone—single, married, divorced, “it’s complicated,” even “stalkers”—because every relationship flourishes or fails on the same principles.

Main Points

God’s Word Is the Non-Negotiable Blueprint

• God preserves truth through the written Word for longevity; spoken trends fade, Scripture endures.
• If the Bible is treated as one option among many, it becomes a suggestion instead of the plan.

• “There is power in the Word of God.”

Principles Simplify Life

• God builds on principles, not feelings or trends.
• Principle learned = one less thing you have to pray about in panic; e.g., you don’t fast over an empty gas tank—you know the principle of fuel.
• Relationships work the same way: recognizing godly principles exposes unfit partners and guides wise choices.
• “Principles simplify your life.”

Ignorance Is Darkness—Light Comes from Jesus

• Biblical “darkness” equals ignorance; Satan rules wherever we lack truth.
• John 8:12 promises that following Jesus gives “the light that leads to life,” including relational life.
• Church divorce rates mirror the culture because many believers remain ignorant of God’s relational principles.

Rip Up Your List

Story:

• During an interview, Natalie Todd admitted she expected a Puerto Rican, six-pack-sporting “A-Rod” type; Mike joked he expected “J-Lo.” Their marriage shows God often delivers what we need, not what we once wanted.

Definition of “the list”

• A set of predetermined, self-fabricated ideas about a person, situation, or outcome that turns expectations into rigid goals.

Key truths about the list

• Your list for you will never look like God’s list for you.
• Your list focuses on what you want; God’s list focuses on what you need.
• God is more committed to your destiny than to your short-term desires.

Formula of frustration

• Fabricated expectations + failed realities = feelings of frustration.
• Many live discouraged not because God failed, but because life doesn’t match a list God never authored.

Illustration: Mike physically tears notebook paper on stage, calling the act a “prophetic sign” of surrendering our own plans.

Let God Re-Write Your Desires

• Psalm 37:4 is often misquoted as a blank check; properly understood, delighting in the Lord causes Him to deposit new desires in our hearts.
• Until we submit timelines, career dreams, and relationship ideals, we may reject God’s best because it conflicts with our list.
• Proverbs 19:21 anchors the principle: many plans in a human heart, but the Lord’s purpose prevails.

Key Truths

• Scripture is not a suggestion; it is the relationship blueprint.
• Principles learned from God’s Word remove unnecessary anxiety and guesswork.
• Ignorance—areas without biblical light—is where the enemy gains control.
• Personal expectation lists often become idols that block God’s better purpose.
• Surrendering the list allows God to shape desires and fulfill destiny.

Response

• Open your Bible before opening social media for relationship advice.
• Identify and confess areas of relational ignorance; invite God’s light.
• Write down every self-made expectation about relationships, career, and timing—then physically tear it up in surrender.
• Ask God to replace old desires with His purposes.
• Evaluate current relationships through biblical principles rather than cultural trends.

Closing

Pastor Mike’s appeal was direct: stop letting an unsubmitted checklist sabotage the life God designed. God’s purpose will outlast every trend and unmet expectation, so the most spiritual act some of us can do this week is take 30 minutes, list every assumption, and “rip it up.”

“Your list is less than God’s best for you.”

Prayer

Pastor Mike prayed that God would give listeners courage to repent of misplaced expectations, recognize His timing, and trust that His plans prosper rather than harm. He asked the Lord to bring light into every relational area and to empower each person—single, married, divorced, or widowed—to wait on Him after surrendering the list.

Resources

• Book: “Relationship Goals” by Michael Todd