3 Qualities You Need Before Marriage

Becoming the Right Person Before Finding the Right Person

Scripture References

Primary text

• 1 Corinthians 7:7-8

Other references

• Colossians 2:9-10
• 1 Timothy 4:12
• Proverbs 13:20

Overview

Dating advice is everywhere, but Scripture reframes the search for “the one.” Instead of asking, “How do I find the right person?” the message urges us to ask, “How do I become the right person?” Paul’s words about singleness in 1 Corinthians 7 show that marriage is not life’s goal; undivided devotion to Jesus is. Three qualities prepare us for a God-honoring marriage—or a fulfilled single life: being secure in Christ, strong in character, and planted in community.

Main Points

1. Secure in Christ

• If you want to end up married and happy, start single and secure.
• Insecurity craves constant reassurance, squeezes relationships dry, and often settles for whoever is available.
• Movie slogans like “You complete me” reflect the lie that another person makes us whole.
• Blockquote example:

  “Marriage doesn’t complete you. Christ and Christ alone completes you.”

• Colossians 2:9-10 declares that believers are already “made complete in Christ.”
• Secure people need less and expect more; high standards flow from knowing their worth in Jesus.

Illustration: A once-devout college student tells her mother she has met an “on-fire” Christian guy. Mom gently responds that someone living as she is now is unlikely to attract a man with that kind of devotion—reminding us we attract what we are, not what we want.

2. Strong in Character

• You do not build a life of righteousness on a foundation of sin; today’s choices shape tomorrow’s marriage.
• Paul points Timothy to five growth areas (1 Timothy 4:12): speech, behavior, love, faith, purity.
• Practical checkpoints:
  • Words—do they give life or sound like late-night streaming dialogue?
  • Behavior—choices that reflect Jesus when no one is watching.
  • Love—treating others with grace, not judgment.
  • Faith—centered, not compartmentalized.
  • Purity—sexual integrity before and after marriage.
• Lust does not disappear with a wedding ring; deal with it now, not later.

Story: Rich and Anna, a slightly older couple, model what character looks like: they learned to “fight fair,” pursue fun together, and guard intimacy. Their mentorship shaped the speaker’s own marriage.

3. Planted in Community

• “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” (Proverbs 13:20).
• The strength of your community will shape the quality of your marriage.
• Bridesmaids and groomsmen often predict a couple’s spiritual future; what they did the night before the wedding says a lot.
• Healthy community offers:
  • Prayer, accountability, and biblical counsel when conflict hits.
  • Examples to imitate—people whose marriages and parenting you respect.
  • A place to serve and grow, not just sit and date.
• Action step: choose or form a life group where Jesus, not compromise, is normal.

Key Truths

• You rarely attract what you want; you usually attract what you are.
• Singleness is a gift when it allows undivided devotion to Jesus.
• A whole person in Christ expects more and settles for less.
• Character is built before marriage, not after.
• Community is a predictor of long-term relational health.

Response

• Anchor your identity in Christ, not in relationship status.
• Audit your speech, behavior, love, faith, and purity; repent where needed.
• Raise your standards instead of lowering them to keep someone.
• Join or start a Christ-centered community group this week.
• Seek mentors whose marriages you admire and invite their input.

Closing

The goal is not to chase a spouse but to walk wholeheartedly toward Jesus. As you do, glance to the right and left for someone else running the same direction—secure in Christ, strong in character, and rooted in godly friends. When two such people realize they can serve Jesus better together than apart, marriage becomes an overflow of devotion, not a replacement for it.

“Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together.”

Prayer

Father, search us. Expose insecurity, weak character, and isolation. Make us secure in Your Son, strengthen our integrity, and plant us among wise believers so that whether single or married, our lives display undivided devotion to Jesus. Amen.

Resources

• Quote: Andy Stanley, “Become the type of person the person you’re looking for is looking for.”
• Films referenced: The Notebook, Titanic, Jerry Maguire
• TV reference: The Bachelor
• Lyric reference: Beyoncé, “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)”