3 Secrets to the Marriage You Want

Three Secrets to the Marriage You Want

Scripture References

Primary text

• Genesis 2

Other references

• Psalm 63:8
• Judges 20:45
• Hebrews 3:13
• James 4:17

Overview

Craig Groeschel closed the “Book Club” series by revisiting the five lifelong commitments from his and Amy’s book From This Day Forward. Today he focused on commitment #3—“Have Fun”—and showed that vibrant marriages are built on continual pursuit. Using Genesis 2 and the Hebrew word dābaq (“to cling, pursue hard”), he taught three practical secrets: say the good you think, do the special you imagine, and become the change you desire. When couples refuse to stop pursuing each other, they refill love instead of running empty.

Main Points

The call to lifelong pursuit

• “Seek God, fight fair, have fun, stay pure, and never give up.”

• Early love stories (Top Gun mixtape, indoor camping, latch-hook “Joy” rug) illustrate how natural pursuit once was.
• Running out of love is like running out of gas—refill rather than abandon the car.
• Dābaq in Genesis 2 means clinging by active, affectionate pursuit (cf. Psalm 63:8; Judges 20:45).
• Jacob’s fourteen-year labor for Rachel models working for your spouse even after the wedding.
• No area of life improves through neglect; marriage is no different—“water your own yard.”

Secret 1 – When you think something good, say it

• Hebrews 3:13 urges daily encouragement so hearts don’t harden.
• Men: pursue with words of affection, especially non-sexual affection. Add “because” to “I love you” and finish the sentence differently every time.
• Women: pursue with words of affirmation. Speak to who he is becoming; reward any step toward spiritual leadership.
• General truth: she asks, “Do you love me today?” He asks, “Do you believe in me today?”

Secret 2 – When you think something special, do it

• James 4:17 labels withheld good as sin.
• Practical ideas: come home early with take-out, schedule an overnight getaway, bathe the kids, unload the dishwasher, bring flowers (bonus points when others see), leave post-it notes, turn errands into dates.
• Cost is less important than thoughtfulness; small, repeated kindnesses keep the pursuit alive.

Secret 3 – When you want something different, be it

• Resist grumbling about what your spouse is not; grow into who you are called to be.
• Craig’s examples: he works on relaxing his strict timetables; Amy works on flexibility over utilities and schedules.
• God created couples as multipliers—what you sow into your spouse comes back multiplied, for good or ill.
• “If you don’t like what you’re getting, look at what you’re giving.”

Key Truths

• Pursuit is not a dating phase but a lifelong marriage posture.
• Encouragement withheld is love untold; daily words keep hearts soft.
• Thoughtfulness turns ordinary moments into ongoing romance.
• Self-change is more powerful than spouse-critique for transforming a marriage.
• A marriage is the sum of thousands of small choices and will be as good as both partners decide.

Response

• Speak one fresh “I love you because…” statement every day this week.
• Act on the next kind idea that crosses your mind—don’t postpone it.
• Identify a personal habit that irritates your spouse and begin changing it rather than pointing at theirs.
• Schedule intentional, screen-free fun together within the next seven days.
• Pray daily for the Holy Spirit to help you keep pursuing your spouse.

Closing

Craig reminded listeners that marriage flourishes when two people keep seeking the One—Jesus—first and then keep pursuing each other. Fun is not optional; it is fuel. Couples who refill love, fight fair, stay pure, and refuse to quit will reap a harvest “at the proper time” if they do not give up. Whether preparing for marriage or repairing one, the same rhythm applies:

“Seek God, fight fair, have fun, stay pure, and never give up.”

Prayer

Craig prayed for two groups:

1. Singles—asking God to prepare their hearts, shape their character, and keep them seeking Him above the idea of marriage.
2. Couples—asking the Holy Spirit to heal hurting marriages, strengthen healthy ones, and help every spouse practice the five commitments.

He then led a salvation prayer for anyone who recognized the need to place Jesus first, asking for forgiveness, new life, and the filling of the Holy Spirit.