Tim Elmore: Video Study - Session 1

Three Parenting Mistakes to Avoid

Overview

Parents often grade themselves highly while spotting shortcomings in others, yet common blind spots remain. In this talk the speaker names three frequent errors—shielding children from failure, projecting personal dreams onto them, and making their immediate happiness the main goal—and offers practical ways to correct each one so children grow into resilient, self-aware adults.

Main Points

1. Blocking Every Possibility of Failure

• Desire to protect kids can create a “failure-proof world.”
• Consequences: unrealistic preparation for adult life, lower motivation, diminished value of success, loss of ambition.
• Distinction between hurt and harm: children will experience hurts that do not truly harm them; learning to navigate hurt fosters growth.
• Correction:
  • Permit children to attempt difficult tasks and even fail—in academics, sports, relationships.
  • Talk through the failure, highlight lessons, and gradually build resilience.

2. Projecting Our Unlived Life onto Our Children

• Seen when parents push kids to “make the grade,” “make the team,” or pursue careers parents once wanted.
  • Illustration: An over-zealous dad in Little League berates his 9-year-old for an error, imagining a future major-leaguer instead of recognizing a budding software programmer.
• Parental baggage can transfer to children, creating pressure and future baggage for them.
  • Story: A principal realized a furious mother had actually written her child’s paper; she was angry about the poor grade she herself earned.
• Correction:
  • Find personal identity in something larger than the child.
  • Empower children to discover the people God has called and strengthened them to become.

3. Prioritizing Immediate Happiness

• A parent’s wish for continual happiness can crowd out guidance and boundaries.
  • Story: A friend’s two adult children could talk to their mother about anything, yet lacked direction; both now live at home, one pregnant, both unemployed.
• Happiness used as a central goal becomes elusive and disappointing.
• Correction:
  • Teach children that happiness is a by-product, not a goal.
  • Coach them to identify their gifts, serve others with those gifts, and let happiness “sneak up” on them through meaningful purpose.

Key Truths

• Real growth often comes only through facing and learning from failure.
• Parental pressure rooted in unresolved dreams burdens children with expectations they were never meant to carry.
• Guiding children toward purpose and service produces deeper, more reliable joy than chasing momentary happiness.

Response

• Allow your child to attempt something challenging this week without stepping in to guarantee success.
• Reflect on any personal dreams you may be pushing onto your child; release them and affirm your child’s unique path.
• Discuss with your child how their talents can serve others, emphasizing purpose over pleasure.