The Cost of Trying to Control Everything | Lysa TerKeurst

Trusting God Like Abigail—Trading Control for Stewardship

Scripture References

Primary text

• 1 Samuel 25

Other references

• 1 Samuel 22
• Matthew 5:8
• John 16:33

Overview

Abigail’s encounter with David shows the stark difference between grasping for control and faithfully stewarding what we can manage while trusting God with the outcome. Through her story—and her own journey of heartbreak—Lisa invited us to lay down the “everything-depends-on-me” mindset, adopt daily practices that fix our eyes on God’s goodness, and choose courageous obedience even when the ending remains uncertain.

Main Points

1. “This message is for me”

• Opening exercise reminded listeners to apply truth personally, not weaponise it against others.
• Sets the tone for honest self-examination throughout the story.

2. Abigail’s Hard Reality

• Naval: wealthy, “surly and mean.”
• Abigail: intelligent, beautiful, living in a difficult marriage.
• David and 600 distressed, indebted men (1 Samuel 22) had protected Naval’s herds; festival time made provision reasonable.
• Naval’s insult—“Who is this David?”—ignited David’s rage and intent to kill every male in Naval’s household.

3. Control vs. Stewardship

• “What we don’t trust, we will try to control.”
• Control mantras:
  • Everything depends on me.
  • I will accept only the outcome I think is best.
    → leads to anxiety, exhaustion, spiritual confusion.
• Stewardship mantras:
  • I’m responsible only for what is within my ability to manage.
  • I will trust God with the outcome.
    → leads to obedience and surrender, not passivity.

4. Abigail Chooses Stewardship

• She cannot change Naval, but she can manage food.
• Sends a perfectly portioned feast for 600 men (Bible food math: 200 loaves, 5 sheep, etc.).
• Meets David in a mountain ravine; approaches in humility, not weakness.
  • Illustration: Two roads to the ground before God—humility or humiliation; both end face-down, but one chooses to bow while the other trips.
• Mission: keep David from needless bloodshed and remind him of his destiny.

  • “God did it then and He will do it again.”

• David blesses her judgment, receives the gift, and turns back.

5. The Cost—and Freedom—of Trust

• Ten days later God deals with Naval; Abigail is free from the outcome she never controlled.
• David asks Abigail to become his wife—story stays complex: Scripture doesn’t tie bows, and neither do our lives.

6. Daily Practices that Cultivate Trust

• Lisa’s dawn prayer:

  “God, I want to see You, hear You, know You, follow hard after You… God, You are good. You are good to me. You are good at being God.”

• Preforgiveness: when “some fool bumps into my happy” she has already chosen grace.
• Look each day for:
  • Someone to forgive.
  • Someone to bless.
  • Evidence of God’s goodness and faithfulness.
• “The more we look for God, the more we will see God” (Matthew 5:8).

7. Personal Story of Letting Go

• Nearly 30-year marriage undone by repeated unfaithfulness.
• She clung to control (“only reconciliation equals redemption”) and unknowingly enabled.
• Finally stepped back—observer, not saviour—trusting God with painful clarity.
• Lesson: “It will cost us something to trust God with all our heart, but it will cost us more if we don’t.”

8. A Declaration of Brave Surrender

• Written at 2 a.m.; read over the church. Key lines call listeners to act brave before they feel brave, connect with the right people, and refuse to let their story become a tragedy.

9. Invitation to Surrender Control

• Pastor Craig echoes theme: we rarely have the power to control, but we always have the power to surrender.
• Hands raised across the room symbolise releasing marriages, health, finances, children, outcomes to God.
• Gospel call: stop trying to earn God’s approval; receive grace by surrendering to Jesus (John 16:33 assurance of His victory).

Key Truths

• What you don’t trust, you will attempt to control.
• Stewardship obeys within our limits and trusts God beyond them.
• Humility is not weakness; it positions us for God’s strength and protection.
• Seeing, forgiving, and blessing others trains our eyes to recognise God’s daily presence.
• Trusting God may cost dearly, but refusing to trust costs more.

Response

• Identify one area you’re trying to control and hand the outcome to God.
• Pray Lisa’s morning prayer tomorrow before your feet hit the floor.
• Preforgive today’s “fool” so an offense can’t hijack your joy.
• Bless one person tangibly—time, encouragement, or resources—before day’s end.
• Choose the path of humility; bow low before God rather than waiting to be brought low.

Closing

Abigail’s wisdom spared bloodshed and protected David’s destiny; her story calls us to the same brave surrender. When control whispers, “Everything depends on me,” remember the safer, stronger posture: face-down before a good God who is always faithful and infinitely better at being God than we are.

“If God is for you, nothing—nothing—can stand against you.”

Prayer

The congregation prayed, releasing specific situations into God’s hands, asking for obedient hearts, and thanking Him that His promises are always true. Pastor Craig led seekers in a salvation prayer, surrendering to Jesus for forgiveness and new life.