This Is Killing Your Marriage

Nothing You Neglect Gets Better

Scripture References

• Proverbs 24
• Song of Solomon 2:5

Overview

Selfishness may start the erosion of a relationship, but neglect is what finally kills it. Pastor Craig showed that anything we stop tending—our bodies, friendships, faith, or marriage—inevitably deteriorates. Using Solomon’s pictures of an overgrown field and invasive “little foxes,” he pressed the congregation to identify subtle, daily acts of neglect, rebuild protective walls, and begin nourishing their marriages (and other vital connections) again.

Context

Last week’s message exposed selfishness as the root of most relational conflict. This week moved to the next stage: how everyday neglect—often unnoticed—silently drains love, intimacy, and protection from a marriage.

Main Points

Selfishness Starts, Neglect Finishes

• Conflict often begins in selfishness, but relationships usually die from prolonged inattention.
• Principle: whatever you stop feeding begins to die—true of bodies, friendships, spiritual life, and marriage.
• People routinely maintain cars or lawns yet assume marriages thrive without deliberate upkeep.

Solomon’s Vineyard Warning (Proverbs 24)

• Illustration: Solomon walks past the sluggard’s vineyard—thorns everywhere, weeds covering the ground, protective stone wall in ruins.
• Only “a little sleep, a little slumber” led to poverty; neglect feels slow yet its consequences arrive suddenly.
• In marriage, the field (today’s needs) and the vineyard (tomorrow’s hopes) both suffer when walls fall.

The Little Foxes (Song of Solomon 2:5)

“Catch for us the little foxes that ruin the vineyards.”

• Destruction often comes through small, seemingly harmless habits, not dramatic failures.
• When blossoms are eaten, no fruit can form—minor neglect robs future harvest.

Modern Foxes: Distraction & Busyness

• Story: Craig’s “ugliest yard in the neighborhood” required no intentional weed-planting—just neglect. Same with marriage.
• Story: After Katie’s birth, Craig attended seminary and preached all weekend, leaving Amy alone; sincere “responsibility” still produced neglect.
• Phones: perhaps history’s most effective device for marital neglect—two hours on a screen, two minutes with a spouse.
• Child-centered parenting: loving kids is good; structuring the entire family around them drains the marriage that should anchor the home.
  • Seasons of intense childcare are real, but seasons must not become a lifestyle.
  • Greatest gift to children is a strong, enduring marriage.

Rebuilding the Wall & Tending the Vineyard

• Identify what once kept you close—then restore or replace it.
  • Story: When Craig and Amy dropped their weekly date night, intimate conversation disappeared; small-group sharing exposed the drift.
  • Their “wall” became scheduled walks—side-by-side time that renews connection.
• Quote found on their refrigerator:

  “Neglect the rest of the world if you have to, but never neglect each other.” —Ann Landers

• Whatever your version—talking after kids’ bedtime, shared Bible plan, life-group participation—guard it fiercely.

Hope in the Master Gardener

• Jesus never stops tending His people: when we drift, He pursues; when we stop showing up, He remains.
• Because of His relentless care, neglected vineyards can bloom again.
• Galatians encouragement: “Don’t become weary in doing good…you will reap a harvest if you don’t give up.”

Key Truths

• Neglect feels slow, but its fallout arrives suddenly.
• Small, repeated omissions (“little foxes”) often do more damage than major blowups.
• A marriage can’t thrive while screens, schedules, or children consistently receive the couple’s best energy.
• Rebuilding intimacy means rebuilding protective rhythms—then tending them week after week.
• Jesus models persistent pursuit; His grace empowers couples to pursue each other again.

Response

• Identify one “little fox” you need to drive out this week.
• Re-establish (or schedule) a specific practice that once kept your relationship strong.
• Limit screen time each evening so your spouse receives focused attention.
• If parenting has eclipsed marriage, plan a date or overnight away and begin re-prioritizing each other.
• Ask Jesus daily to help you pursue your spouse the way He pursues you.

Closing

Neglect never improves anything. Yet the field can be cleared, the vines can blossom, and the wall can stand again—if we catch the little foxes and resume intentional care. Pastor Craig urged every listener:

“Rebuild the wall and keep on tending.”
Because Jesus keeps tending us, even long-neglected marriages can flourish once more.

Prayer

Pastor Craig prayed for realignment: that God would become first in every life, empower couples to repent of laziness, heal relationships and families, and give strength not to grow weary in doing good. He also invited those far from God to surrender to Jesus, celebrating many who responded.