Dealing With “Those” People

Being Offended Is Inevitable, Living Offended Is a Choice

Scripture References

Primary text

• Ephesians 4:26
• Ephesians 4:29
• Ephesians 4:31-32

Other references

• Psalm 139:23-24

Overview

Those people — the critical, controlling, arrogant voices that show up at work, online, and even at family gatherings — will always be around. The apostle Paul’s words in Ephesians 4 call believers to respond differently: anger may come, but it must not rule us or give the devil “a foothold.” Craig Groeschel reminds us that while being offended is certain, remaining offended is a decision that drains joy, peace, and witness. Instead, we are to speak what builds up, rid our hearts of bitterness, and practice kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.

Main Points

Those People Are Everywhere

• Critical, arrogant, rumor-spreading individuals appear in every circle; if you can’t spot one in your family, “it’s probably you.”
• The goal of the message: learn to deal with those people in a way that honors them and shows God’s love.

Anger Is Not Always Sin, But It Is Always Dangerous (Ephesians 4:26)

• Scripture permits anger yet commands, “In your anger do not sin.”
• Harboring anger gives Satan a topos — literally “a place, a room” — inside our lives.
• Illustration: Placing your foot in a doorway or finding a crevice while rock-climbing—anger creates that kind of accessible space for the enemy.
• Personal resolve: “I don’t want to give the devil access to my marriage, children, friendships, or church.”

Being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice.

The Demonic Strategy: Divide, Distract, Discredit

• Divide families, friends, and churches through politics, race, vaccines, masks, or any hot-button topic.
• Distract Christians from their mission with endless cultural skirmishes, social-media outrage, or conspiracy links.
• Discredit the church by keeping believers angry, critical, judgmental, and hypocritical.

Settle It Before Sunset (Ephesians 4:26)

• The day of hurt should also be the day of healing; don’t let offenses roll over into tomorrow.
• Story: Early in his marriage, Amy insisted they never go to sleep mad—“We’d go to bed mad but never fall asleep mad,” a practice that still protects their relationship.
• Imagine friendships, families, and churches where apologies and forgiveness happen the same day the wound occurs.

Speak Only What Builds (Ephesians 4:29)

• “Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.”
• Six house rules:
  1. Never call names.
  2. Never raise your voice (NO ALL-CAPS TEXTS).
  3. Never get historical.
  4. Never say “never” or “always.”
  5. Never threaten divorce.
  6. Never quote your pastor during a fight.

Get Rid of Every Form of Malice (Ephesians 4:31-32)

• Paul eliminates loopholes: bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, “and every form of malice.”
• What he does NOT say: “Be arrogant about your moral superiority” or “Be harsh because you’re dealing with idiots.”
• Up-close love is required: shouting truth from a distance is easy; kindness and compassion demand proximity and listening.

The Mirror Test (Psalm 139:23-24)

• Dangerous prayer: “Search me…see if there is any offensive way in me.”
• Self-righteousness hides easily; the Spirit must expose arrogance, hidden anger, or stored offenses.
• Illustration: The friend who is “right about everything” yet blind to his own attitude—what if we are that person?

Gospel Invitation

• God’s righteous anger toward sin was satisfied when Jesus, the sinless One, became sin and died in our place.
• By faith in Christ’s finished work we receive forgiveness, new life, and the power to live free from chronic offense.

Key Truths

• Anger opens a room in our hearts for the devil to work.
• Offense will come; staying offended is a voluntary, joy-stealing posture.
• Division, distraction, and discrediting are hell’s primary strategies against the church.
• Words are either unwholesome or building—there is no neutral speech.
• Kindness, compassion, and forgiveness are impossible at arm’s length; they require getting close.

Response

• Recognize anger quickly and refuse to nurture it.
• Apologize or forgive on the same day the hurt occurs.
• Audit your speech; delete sarcasm, gossip, and shouting (online or in person).
• Pray Psalm 139:23-24 this week, inviting God to expose hidden offenses.
• Intentionally listen to someone who thinks differently and practice up-close kindness.

Closing

Craig closed by urging believers to keep the enemy out and the Spirit in: a divided world needs a united, bright church. Our mission is not to make a point but to make a difference through Christ-like love.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Prayer

The congregation prayed for grace to rid hearts of anger, to speak only words that build up, and to love with Jesus’ kindness and compassion. Many then called on Christ for salvation, trusting His death and resurrection for the forgiveness of sins and committing their lives to Him.