4 Tips for Christian Dating | Bianca Juarez Olthoff

Date for Your Soul Mate

Scripture References

Primary text

• 1 Corinthians 13

Other references

• Mark 8:37
• 3 John 2
• Proverbs 16:9
• Ephesians 4:15

Overview

Paul’s famous love poem in 1 Corinthians 13 becomes the grid for modern dating. Bianca dismantles the cultural myth of a single “soul mate,” showing that only God makes us whole, then offers four practices—Intentionality, Clarity, Strategy, and Timeliness—that help singles (and marrieds) date and pursue each other with purpose. Your significance is found in Christ, not in a relationship; yet when two people unite around God’s purpose, their lives—and the world around them—are blessed.

Context

The message is week two of the “Modern Romance” series. After addressing attraction last week, today centers on the “soul mate” idea and speaks directly to singles, single-again, and married listeners who want to pursue their spouse as a soul mate.

Main Points

The Soul Mate Myth vs. Spiritual Soul Mates

• Culture’s “one perfect half” story traces back to a fable told by Aristophanes, not to Scripture.
• We are already complete in Christ; no human can “finish” us.
• Spiritual soul mate = someone you’re attracted to physically, who shapes you emotionally, and is suited for you purposefully—picked by Jesus for destiny.
• Illustration: Wedding & baby-shower seasons where Bianca kept RSVPing for one, wondering “What’s wrong with me?”—a reminder that singleness is not a disease.

1. Intentionality

• Proverbs 16:9—plan your course, let the Lord direct steps.
• Dating is a season to discern, not a status to camp in.
• Who initiates? Both examples exist: the man (“a man who finds a wife…”) and Ruth proposing to Boaz.
• “Taxi-light theory”: show you’re available—smile, engage, sparkle.
• Practical tips (borrowed from a Boston College professor):
  • If you ask, you pay.
  • Set a clear end time.
  • End with an A-frame hug to keep chemistry in check.
• Physical chemistry can mislead; dopamine isn’t destiny.

2. Clarity

• Love “does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor 13:6). Clarity is love.
• Three-phase DTR path:
  1. Coffee invite—low-pressure.
  2. “Are we exclusively dating?” conversation.
  3. Around 12-15 months: “Are we moving toward marriage?”
• Say what you mean; no DM games.
• People are not property—church culture must drop the “once talked, forever off-limits” mindset.

3. Strategy

• Love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor 13:7).
• Aim at something: What are your non-negotiables? What will you NOT discuss on dates?
  • Bianca & Matt’s married-date rules: no work talk, no finances, no kids.
• Ask: Do I feel protected, trusted, hopeful with this person?
• Mirroring—focused, phone-free attention that communicates “I’m with you.”

4. Timeliness

• Use the seed of time wisely.
  • Singles: create, invest, develop.
  • Marrieds: steward finances, children, ministry together.
• Rushing a relationship destroys it—like forcing open a rosebud.
• Dating equation (repeated refrain):

  The right person at the wrong time = wrong relationship.
  The wrong person at the right time = wrong relationship.
  The wrong person at the wrong time = wrong relationship.
  The right person at the right time = right relationship.

Key Truths

• Your value is settled in Christ; a spouse cannot supply significance.
• God designs relationships to propel purpose, not just provide companionship.
• Love requires deliberate planning—healthy couples do not happen by accident.
• Honest, timely conversations prevent unnecessary heartache.
• The enemy targets marriages because united vision threatens his plans.

Response

• Acknowledge where you’ve believed the “you complete me” lie and repent.
• Date—or pursue your spouse—with a written game plan.
• Hold a DTR conversation if your current relationship lacks clarity.
• Guard physical boundaries that cloud judgment.
• Invest today’s time in becoming the person who can walk in God’s purpose tomorrow.

Closing

Bianca prayed for every listener—single, married, divorced, or widowed—to receive revelation of God’s will and timing for their relationships. Pastor Craig echoed the call: seek to BE the right person so you can RECOGNIZE the right person.

“Spirit of the living God, we invite You into this place and we say, have Your way with us… Give us what we need, when we need it, and how we need it in whatever season of life we’re in.”

Prayer

The congregation was led in two prayers:

1. Bianca’s prayer: asking God to reveal His plan, heal hearts, and empower every listener in their current season.
2. Pastor Craig’s salvation prayer for those surrendering to Jesus—confessing sin, asking forgiveness, and receiving new life in Christ.