Dealing with Controlling People: Relational Vampires Week 1

Loving the People Who Try to Control You

Scripture References

• Matthew 16:21

Overview

Week one of the “Relational Vampires” series tackles the people who “suck the life out of us” by trying to control or manipulate. Drawing from Jesus’ encounter with Peter in Matthew 16, the message shows why knowing God’s call, spotting manipulation, and drawing a firm, loving boundary are essential if we’re going to love controllers without letting them steer us away from God’s will.

Main Points

1. Know Your Calling

• Jesus repeatedly stated His purpose: seek and save the lost, serve not be served, lay down His life and be raised.
• A clear calling brings clarity: it tells you what to say yes to and what you must refuse.
• Calling isn’t always grandiose; it may be to love a spouse, raise children, study diligently, or witness at work.
• Story/Example: Craig identifies his own calling—love Amy, lead his six kids, shepherd Life.Church—and admits the tension this creates with people-pleasing.
• People-pleasing is idolatry: placing others’ opinions above God’s direction.

2. Recognize When Someone Is Trying to Control You

• Controllers use two main weapons: threats (“Do this or you’ll regret it”) and guilt (“After all I’ve done for you…”).
• Peter—minutes after correctly naming Jesus as Messiah—pulls Jesus aside and says, “Never, Lord!” trying to redirect Him from the cross.
• Most controllers aren’t malicious; they’re often hurting, insecure, or afraid, yet their demands still distract from God’s plan.
• Every controlling relationship has one common element: someone allows the control.

3. Draw a Line in the Sand

• Jesus’ response to Peter:

  “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

• Loving boundaries sound like: “I care about you, but I’m not going to let you speak to me that way,” or “I’m not bailing you out again.”
• Relationships are a mix of what we create and what we allow; if we don’t like the mix, we must change what we expect and accept.
• Expect pushback—controllers may intensify manipulation—but temporary pain is worth long-term health.
• Self-check: controllers live in all of us. Trying to rule others is trying to be God, yet only God can truly change hearts, direct futures, or break addictions.
• Jesus’ call to every disciple follows the boundary moment: deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. Surrender replaces control.

Key Truths

• A clear, God-given calling protects you from people-driven detours.
• Threats and guilt are the primary tools of manipulation.
• Allowing control is as much a problem as exerting it.
• Boundaries are an act of love, not rebellion.
• Following Jesus means surrendering control—of others and of ourselves—to Him.

Response

• Clarify the specific calling God has given you in this season.
• Identify any relationship where threats or guilt steer your decisions.
• State loving, firm boundaries: decide what you will no longer accept.
• Repent of any ways you manipulate or guilt others; entrust them to God.
• Daily surrender your agenda—“not my will, but Yours be done.”

Closing

Controlling people rarely set out to derail God’s will, yet their fears and our people-pleasing can do exactly that. Jesus models a better way: know your mission, spot the distraction, and draw a clear, loving line. When we deny ourselves and follow Him, we trade life-sucking manipulation for God-given purpose and freedom.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, forgive me of my sins.
Make me brand new.
Jesus, be my Savior, be my Lord.
Fill me with Your Spirit so I can follow You, so I can live for You.
My life is not my own—today I give it to You.
Thank You for a new life; now You have mine.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.