5 Red Flags You're With the Wrong Person

See Trouble Coming, Avoid It: Five Dating Red Flags

Scripture References

Primary text

• Proverbs 27:12

Other references

• Proverbs 27:9
• 2 Corinthians 6:14
• Amos 3:3
• Proverbs 12:15
• 1 Corinthians 13:7
• James 1:19-20
• Matthew 24:4
• Proverbs 5
• Psalm 119:115

Overview

A wise person spots danger early and steps away; an unthinking person walks straight into it and later regrets it. Using Proverbs 27:12 as the anchor, the message names five “red flags” that deserve attention while dating, especially for followers of Jesus who want marriages that honor God and avoid future heartbreak.

Context

The pastor opened with statistics: most people will marry, many marriages will fail, and many failures can be traced to warning signs ignored during dating. Because Christians aim for something better than the culture’s “normal,” today’s counsel may feel extreme, yet it flows from a desire to protect hearts and build godly homes.

Main Points

1. They are not consistently pursuing Jesus

• A casual “I guess I’m a Christian” is not the same as an active, growing walk with Christ.
• People speak first about what they value most; if Jesus seldom surfaces in early conversations, take note.
• 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns against yoking a believer with an unbeliever; differing spiritual foundations complicate parenting, money, community, entertainment choices, purpose, and perseverance.
• Guiding thought: “Don’t give them your heart if God doesn’t have theirs.”

2. People who love you don’t love who you’re dating

• Trusted friends and family often see blind spots you don’t.
• Proverbs 27:9: their counsel is “sweet as perfume”; heed it.
• Example: if parents, siblings, best friends, and even the dog all show concern, pause.

3. You don’t experience healthy conflict

• Fighting is inevitable; how you fight matters.
• Healthy couples fight fair (for resolution); unhealthy couples fight dirty (for victory).
• Always-fighting or never-fighting patterns are both warning signs.
• James 1:19-20 gives a conflict template: be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.

• Illustration: Humorous “get out from under that bed, you coward” story highlights the couple’s commitment to work issues through.

4. Trust is hard to maintain

• Love “always trusts” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Persistent suspicion signals trouble.
• Sometimes the other person is untrustworthy: secret DMs, suggestive likes, flirting, pornography.
• Sometimes the problem is your own insecurity or control. Either way, address it honestly.

5. The relationship pulls you away from Jesus

• Matthew 24:4: “See to it that no one leads you astray.”
• Drifting from church, community, or purity together should set off alarms.
• Proverbs 5 calls sexual intimacy “intoxicating”; it blurs vision, lowers standards, and clouds judgment.

• Illustration: “Drunk dating” metaphor—when intoxicated you think, “Everyone (including me) looks great!” Sober up to assess reality.

“Sensible people see trouble coming and avoid it; the unthinking walk into trouble and regret it later.”

When a break-up is the loving choice

• If warning signs pile up, separating may allow God to work in each person.
• Psalm 119:115 was quoted as a tongue-in-cheek “break-up verse”—don’t weaponize it, but know the principle: obey God first.
• Practical advice: break up in person, don’t return after three days because “our song came on.”

Green flags: what to run toward

• Consistent pursuit of Jesus.
• Affirmation from godly community.
• Conflict handled with grace.
• Growing mutual trust.
• Tangible movement toward Christ together.

Key Truths

• Spiritual foundation shapes every part of life more than anything else.
• Red flags are acts of love from God, not limitations on your happiness.
• Wise people heed counsel; fools insist on their own way.
• Sexual “intoxication” can hide serious incompatibilities.
• God’s design for relationships is good, different from cultural norms, and worth pursuing.

Response

• Examine your current (or future) relationship against the five red flags.
• Invite trusted believers to speak honestly about whom you’re dating.
• Practice “quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” in every conflict.
• Strengthen personal pursuit of Jesus before seeking a partner.
• If necessary, end relationships that consistently pull you from Christ.

Closing

Ignoring warning signs today often produces deep regret tomorrow. God is too good, and you are too valuable, to settle for relationships that sabotage your future. Spot the danger, walk away, and move toward the green-flag path that leads to life—one where both hearts chase Jesus together.

“You are far too smart, and God is far too good, for you to step off the good path and onto the wrong one.”

Prayer

The pastor led listeners to lift their hands and ask to grow closer to Jesus in every relationship, seeking His first place, His wisdom, and His healing for strained marriages. He then invited anyone far from God to surrender to Christ, praying aloud:

“Father, take my life, forgive my sins, save me and make me new. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can follow You. My life is not my own; I give it all to You. Thank You for new life—now You have mine. In Jesus’ name, amen.”